This just in: a new report just released by the FDA claims that weight loss drug Alli can cause severe liver damage. It can also cause “loss of appetite.” Uh, isn’t that what every person trying to lose weight really wants? Loss of appetite? Which is the exact reason that as a collective society we spend billions of dollars each year on weight loss products? I shell out hundreds for just that- I am trying to purchase “loss of appetite.”

And I guess I better throw away my bottle of Alli as I am damaging my liver enough already on my own without it. I draw the line at the RedBull though. I’m keeping that at least half of my daily lunch.

(Yes, I certainly admit to being sick in the head.)

The American Idol finale last night might be the best two hours of TV I have ever seen. Did Alice Cooper seriously open the show? How many crying and confused 6 years olds were watching that at home as their mothers quickly grabbed the remote to make sure they were on the right channel and how many years has Alice Cooper been dead? Too good!

Lots of great acts like Chicago, Hall and Oates, The Bee Gees, a surprise appearance by the health-challenged Bret Michaels, Janet Jackson with an ass so ridonculous that you could set your drink on it, a very unfunny Paula and a very funny Dane Cook and Ricky Gervaise (sp), Michael McDonald (gag), and then Joe Cocker!! He and the two finalists did Have a Little Help From My Friends while I squealed with delight and my kids looked at me as if I were nuts. Excited because I get to see him next month at the Gorge with Tom Petty. And I think he forgot the words to the song last night. It was a little awkward but I still can’t wait to see him.

Speaking of Tom, rewatching the Tom Petty documentary Runnin Down A Dream. I have seen it a thousand times and I still love it, especially at 3am when I can’t sleep. Sweet, sweet Tom. I’ll see you soon, my favorite.

The new movie coming out this weekend, Prince Of Persia starring Jake Gyllenhall, looks lame.

Excited for The Eagles this Saturday. Yes, I have forgiven them for rescheduling to a holiday weekend and forcing me to change my weekend plans. My children are not so forgiving and now hate Hotel California. I hope they do The Last Resort and Wasted Time, my two all-time favorite Eagles songs. I bet they don’t just to spite me.

See you guys Saturday at the show.

And even though this is seriously one of the best live performances of all time ever in the history of music including Mozart when he was a wee lad writing full operas at the age of 4, I still find this subtitled version hilarious. Hoggify? I’m dying.

I thought it was London. Apparently not.

I was just perusing my favorite blogger, Big Suke, and came across this fantastic post and video. Seriously? While I am a fan of the Twilight books and movies as is my daughter (I happen to be on Team Edward and she is Team Jacob- the werewolf team), if she ever pulled this crap I would ground her until her twenties. It all comes down to parenting, people, parenting. You had them, you parent them!

From Suke’s Blog:
What the Sh*t is wrong with kids?
May 24th, 2010 by bigsuke-portland
I understand all kids have to go through a couple phases growing up to figure out who they are, but werewolves? Are you freaking kidding me? Watch this video and tell me these kids don’t just scream out for a beating. Especially the kid who apparently likes killing dogs with his super He Man sword. I’d love to have a chat with that winner. Somewhere along the line these kids dads needed to take them in the back yard, made them do some push ups and wash off the eyeliner. I also love the really fat kid saying he isn’t trying to be intimidating. The only thing that kid is scaring is a pie cooling in a window. It’s things like this that keep me up at nights worrying about my children. But then I realize my kids aren’t total losers and I go right to sleep.

I am currently accepting cash bribes for full access to all KGON personalities. While five hundred thousand pounds seems high, I will start the bidding at $5000 for Iris access. I am also willing to trade for 5 yards of quality top soil and/or a newer wheelbarrow.

The above sentence is obviously a joke, people. And poor Fergie, the notorious Duchess of York, was obviously three sheets to the wind when she was secretly recorded accepting bribes for access to ex-husband Prince Andrew. Smoking, half-empty bottle of wine and nearly empty glass on the table in front of her, weeping with distress (kinda sounds like me any given weeknight around 11pm). I love it when she goes to shake his hand and really has to concentrate on getting her hand into his. It’s a wonder she could form a coherent sentence and it’s debateable if she actually did anything coherent here at all, aside from make a complete ass of herself on camera.

Ah those fun-loving royals. Always fun to watch and make fun of. Can’t wait for the big Prince William royal wedding. Cheerio, love.

PS- The offer stands at 5 grand for access to all the KGON goodness.

There is a reason young boys should not have cell phone. And here is it is.

So my son’s best friend, Kameron, just got his first cell phone at the tender age of 10. I got my son Zed one when he turned 1o, too. So Kam doesn’t know Zed’s number yet and sends me a text today that says, “Hay Zed.” And here’s how it goes via text last Friday:

Me: Oh hey Kam. Heard you got a cell phone. Nice! Here is Zed’s number so you can call him, 123-4567. (I did give him Zed’s real phone number, not the fake one I posted here, just in case you are confused.)

Kam: Yah.

Two minutes later, I get this:
Kam: Hay Zed its Kyle fool oooo kam sez you smell like his balls.

At this point, I’m laughing so hard I can barely text back, but I manage.

Me: Well, gosh Kyle, that’s great. This is Zed’s mom and you’re grounded.

Kam: That wasnt me!

Can you imagine the pants-crapping that was going on at Kam’s house? Too good!

Friday night I make sure Zed has Kam’s number and I beg Zed to make sure that Kam deletes my number and texts only Zed to avoid this situation in the future. I really don’t want to have to call any moms. 

And what do you know? Sunday night at 10pm, guess who is still getting texts from Kam? Me. I guess 10 year old boys really shouldn’t have cell phones after all. I guess grown boys shouldn’t either because I think Shannon might have sent me a similar text once.

la la, la la la la

Friday, Friday
So good to me,
Friday, Friday
It is all… I hoped it would beeeee
Oh Friday, Fridayyyyy
Friday, Fridayyyyy couldn’t guaranteeeeeeee
That Saaaaaturdaayyyy, you’d still be here
Right here with meeeeee

Friday, Friday, so good to me
Friday, Friday,
It IS allllll, I hoped it would beeeeeeeee
Oh Friday evening, Friday evening
Please come quickly to meeeeeeee
And Saturdayyyyy, please please please pleaseeeeeee
Stay here with meeeeeeee 

Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week totally blow- oooooohhhs, yeah
But whenever Friday comes, but whenever Friday comes
But whenever Friday comes, but whenever Friday comes
You can find me smilin, all of the tiiiiiiiime

This little girl stole it from me. I do the exact same thing every day before I come to work, but I usually say things like, “I’m smarter and prettier than my sister and everyone I work with, most people are dumb and I’m smart, damn the Eagles for rescheduling on Memorial Day weekend and making me change my plans,” things of that nature. But just for Iris and the poor souls who have to work for me and get nit-picked every day of their lives, I will try and be more like this little darling with much more positive affirmations. Not sure about standing on the bathroom sink though. Last time I tried that, I fell through the shower door.

My friend Joey Scruggs and I recently connected again.  One of the many benefits of Facebook.  Reconnecting with old friends.  Not that either Joey or myself are in any remote way old…but we did meet a number of years ago.

Anyway, Joey is always involved in local music, and he told me about a gig that I wanted to pass along.  Here’s the info:

BILL KIRCHEN, Commander Cody’s original guitarist is coming to Duff’s Garage May 28th to do a CD release Party. The guy is considered one of the finest guitarists in the world.  If you need to know more, here’s a link to his website: http://billkirchen.com/CrosstownArts/client_music/kirchen/

One of my favorite driving songs of all time is “Hot Rod Lincoln.”  Not only does it have kick ass guitar that is throwing out great licks, but the guitar in the song is like a vocal…it is so expressive!  Click here to listen to this incredible version of Hot Rod Lincoln by Bill Kirchen.   The man not only does an incredible version of the song, but also mimics all these different guitar styles in the song and works them into the story of the Hot Rod Lincoln.  I’m talking about everyone from Chuck Berry to Jimi Hendrix and Deep Purple.  Un-freaking-real!!!  The lyrics of the song are so great too.  This is the part that always makes my pedal start heading to the floor-

Dear Jack H, Entercom Radio Station General Manager in Seattle,

I want to nominate Chuck T. in your IT department for a very special award of some type because of all his help with the BlackBerry email problem some of us were experiencing within the company yesterday. I spoke to Chuck and Fred yesterday for a total of about four hours off and on all day trying to solve the issue (this was after I spoke to the asshats at T-mobile for an hour which ended up making the undetermined problem even worse).

Sidenote: Despite the fact that we all have home computers, laptops and desktops at work, it is very traumatizing to have no email access from your portable phone! Phones: they’re not just for calling people.

I was still on the phone (a landline as my phone was obvioulsy not working) with Chuck at 6pm last night. I had to leave work (late) to pick up the kids (late) and Chuck quickly gave me his home number and told me to call him anytime all night to make sure the issue was fully resolved. Aww. What service! 

Of course I logged on to my work email from my computer as soon as I got home (in record time), but the 30 minute drive without email access was just awful mind you. To make matters worse, Chuck had “wiped” my phone, meaning I had no contact info, no numbers, no web access, no nothing, and, relying on my phone as I do, it’s not like I have anyone’s phone number actually memorized, not even my own children. I mean, this isn’t 1994! And thank the sweet Lord, as soon as I logged on at home, there was Chuck still working hard at 6:30, 7:30, and 8:30pm, sending emails, scheduling conference calls and shooting out emergency help info for all affected users across the nation, you know, those of us who honestly can’t go 5 minutes without checking our work email from our craptastic BlackBerries. 

To make a long story even longer, Chuck was a huge help, funny and polite and VERY patient as I wept softly for hours in his ear, pining for my phone. Happy ending: I went to bed last night with a fully working phone and an inbox full of soothing emails from Chuck telling me it would all be alright.

Chuck turned it up bigtime and saved me from myself. He deserves some special recognition for sure! Or maybe just a movie pass and a fuzzy little thing for his computer.

Best,
Amy in Portland

This is strange.  Two weight loss TV shows focusing on Portland within a short amount of time.  I already blogged about the other one, but this is the one that most people  are already aware of…The Biggest Loser.  Here’s the info from the casting company, and by the way, it’s TOMORROW, Thursday, May 20th:

“Hello Portland area press and media! 

We are filming Biggest Loser Season 10 Episode 1 in Portland this weekend!  Would love to have your support – can you tweet this, FB it and/or print it?  We’d love to have as many people there as possible to participate.  Thanks so much!

 Over a third of Americans are not just overweight, they are obese. The question is, are you ready to change your life? If so, then here is the first courageous step you need to take. Season 10 of NBC’s hit television show “The Biggest Loser” will be visiting cities all across America and we want to see you, your friends and family all there to make this healthy change. One of our world famous trainers, either Bob Harper or Jillian Michaels, will be in each city to reveal some of the contestants who will be on season 10 of “The Biggest Loser.”

That’s not all: Portland will be given a fitness challenge led by either Bob or Jillian and we want as many people there as possible – You can be but don’t have to be overweight! It is not just about our contestants anymore, it is also about you and the millions of Americans who deserve to change their lives. Although this is not a casting call, our casting team will be there and want to hear your stories. Who knows, you just may be on a future season of the show.

Are you up for it? If so, then we’ll see you in Portland this Thursday. Make sure to wear proper work-out attire with no visible logos. You must be at least 18-years-old in order to participate in the fitness challenge but kids are welcome to come. The first 300 people to show up at each city will get a Biggest Loser t-shirt! There will be a maximum occupancy so make sure to arrive on time!

*If you chose to attend this event, you need to plan on being there for around 6-8 hours (eat before you come; bring healthy snacks and water).
*We are not responsible for your personal items.

Continue to check back for updates, locations, check-in times and more information at nbc.com/casting

 When:  Thursday, May 20^th

Registration:  From 6am-9am (BE ON TIME)

Dress: Workout Attire – Come ready to sweat!

Who:  EVERYONE is encouraged to come & help your city get healthy

Where: Governor Tom McCall Waterfront Park

1400 SW Naito Pkwy, Portland, OR 97201

(Right in front of the Portland Marriott Downtown Waterfront)

Check-in is from 6am-9am Be there ON TIME or you may not be permitted

*Then Look for the “BL10 Ep.1 Line Starts Here” sign