Of any kind. Physical activity can kill you, people!

Being off the air for six weeks, I was wondering if it would be incredibly strange for me to be back on again.  I was nervous, excited and had anxiety dreams about being on the radio and not having any songs that I recognized accessible to me.  This is the typical radio nightmare.  The other anxiety nightmare that I’ve had since I was in middle school, is where I would show up for the big test not wearing pants.  Many people I’ve talked to have this dream in one form or another.   According to dream books it’s about feeling unprepared.  It never mattered how prepared I would be, I still had that dream.  Now I dream that they’ve moved the station and I don’t know how to use the equipment, or that the music I play is nothing I recognize, or that the records (yes…records.  I’m that old.) all have white covers and are not in alphabetical order.  Anyway, I made it through the show and it sort of was like riding a bike.  I only fell off once.

Seriously though, thank you for all the wonderful calls I got today.  Thank you to my friends who went to my various doctor appointments with me, brought me flowers, candy, cards, surprises, food, etc.   Thank you to Bob, Celestino, and Jose for the last part of the deck repairs at home.  Thank you to my wonderful co-workers who didn’t call me once for a work related question.  Thank you to Jeff Mitchell who filled in for all that time and for his continued friendship.  Thank you to the KGON managers for having faith that I would beat the health issues, and thank you to my team of doctors who made it happen.  And most of all, thank you to my husband Marty who was the most amazing caregiver ever.  When he took those vows decades ago, I don’t think he really thought “in sickness” would be what it has for the past couple of years. 

So, I’m WAY better than I’ve been in two whole years, and looking forward to seeing Def Leppard and Heart at the Sleep Country Amphitheater!  I’m ready to rock!

Cheers,

Iris

Just heard this on Mark & Brian, the new Mick Jagger “super group” collaboration with Joss Stone, David Stewart of Eurythmics and other fame, one of the Marley boys, Damian I think, among others.  The group is called Super Heavy and the single is called Miracle Worker. I like it. And I can’t decide who is hotter/sexier- Joss Stone or Mick Jagger is his shiny pink suit. Oh yummy. Double yum. Mick sings, “There’s nothing wrong with you that I can’t fix…” Truer words were never spoken!

The needles in the face made me cringe, the tattoo parlor made me want a tattoo, the pink suit made me want a pink suit and Jagger.

This is almost as good as the people falling down video I posted earlier, and was just sent to me by the Lying Sister, not the preggo sis in the lush and glamorous town of Bakersfield, California, USA! (Hot town of heat!) This is exactly what The Spawn of Amy would do if either one of them happened upon a live news broadcast of any kind. If you ever wanted to know what it like to work with me, watch this video. Or any episode of Hell’s Kitchen, which I am addicted to. Either one, you never what you’re gonna get: could be funny kid making faces or boss from hell screaming profanities at you.

Good lord. I can’t even start this post with a snappy Two-Fer Tuesday play me some Tom Petty all damn day. But I can start it with a little fable. With a  fable, one can expect a moral, or perhaps, the reader might learn something, if you will.  In this case, we’ll make it simple, like the David Letterman Top 10 list minus any Jihad references or death threats. So here we go…

Sidenote- not sure if I can come up with 10 but let’s give it a try.

Amy’s Top 10 List- Why One Should Not Text While Walking (specifically me)

10. You have a history of falling down in public, even when you’re stone cold sober.

9. You’re RARELY coordinated enough to navigate the front steps of your house, in high heels, and especially not while texting at 8am before your morning coffee. Trust me people, that’s far more dangerous than navigating them while carrying Taco Bell in the dark at 2am after enjoying many a frosty beverage.

8. If you can’t see the picture on the text message you received at 8am before your morning coffee (stay with me non-text messagers, including Iris and Marty Party), it’s best to stop what you’re doing and look at said picture before continuing down steps or whatever you might be doing.

7. Even when the picture sent to you shows that you’re going to be an aunt next year, stop what you’re doing, especially if it involves walking down front steps before your morning coffee while tottering on high heels, and enjoy the excitement from an upright position, rather than flat on your ass, legs akimbo, purse spilled and phone flying.

6. Those high heels aren’t as sexy as you think, especially when attached to scraped, bruised legs.

5. Instead of texting baby sister to make sure she names the new child Amelia in honor of you, pick your ass up, go get your coffee and get to work. Brooke will meet you in your office with first aid kit to clean up the blood.

4. There really wasn’t that much blood but the bruises will be spectacular!

3. More than likely, your children heard you fall down the front steps and thought the commotion was the dog tearing stuff up in the garage. You have a dog? No, I do not. We are babysitting. Yes, I let it live for 6 days. No, not in my house. In the garage. After you tell children it was indeed you that fell down the steps loudly this morning in front of the entire neighborhood, they will laugh hysterically while at the same time trying to emit sounds of sympathy and love all while hoping you’re OK.

2. Is it Friday yet?

And the number one reason that one should not text while walking- don’t even get me started on why one should never text while driving is…

1. Even if you’re stone cold sober and it’s 8am in the morning and you’re on your way to work, people will more than likely think you’ve been drinking the frosty cold Blue Mountains and that is truly what caused you to fall down your front steps this morning at 8am.

Trust me peeps, it wasn’t that at all. It was the excitement of discovering a fresh new baby will indeed be a part of your future very soon. Congrats, Ash! Please name said new baby Amelia. Or at least keep the family names going with an A or Z name. Let’s all hope it doesn’t have a penis. Kidding.

And on that note, here’s a fun little video from YouTube showing lots of people falling down. I wish someone had a camera on me this morning. It would have been classic Amy. Bruise pictures coming later this week when they’ll be very colorful and fun! Yes Shannon, I will post pictures so you don’t have to read so much and strain yourself.

Bonus fable-  ”Learn to laugh at thyself and thou wilt always be amused.” Indeed.

Just found a picture that describes me perfectly.

1. Sunny weekend headed our way, which means I will hopefully be the color of a Somalian, or perhaps a sunburned barbie, by Sunday night. Our first 90 degree day? Come on! One day won’t kill us.

2. Yes, I promise to hydrate properly, which means Gatorade AND Coors Light.

3. One 90 degree day does not make me want to put the air conditioning unit in the window. It’s just too much work. I guess I’ll just suffer and sleep downstairs and complain about it being hot in the house.

4. It’s performance evaluation time! Um, yeah. This should be just swell. I think I’m hilarious, but my guess is that others might not.

Question on Eval: List your three biggest setbacks or fumbles the last four quarters.

Amy’s Answer: I can only list three?

See what I mean.

5. I added lots of pictures so it’s easier for Shannon to read.

6. Correct me if I’m wrong here, well, don’t actually, I’ll just deny being wrong altogether, but is this Anderson Cooper giggling video maybe the funniest thing ever? I laugh every time I watch it. Trust me, this will be right up there with laughing baby videos. He does giggle like a little girl and he’s damn sexy doing it.

Iris just sent me these pictures in an email. So awesome! By some Israeli designer, Kobi Levi. I’ll have to google him.

1. Feeling ducky!

2. Feeling Oregon Ducky

3. Feeling Blond Ambition.

#4. For a Rolling Stones Concert

5. Crazy Boots. This one makes me feel funny, like maybe my feet are on backwards. I’ll have to think about these, but definitely not right for a long concert.

6. Finally, feeling like these ones could be fun at work, shooting rocks at people?

Yikes! Oh Dear Lord…

Amy on Primetime

Click to listen.