Thank you so much for returning my call today. As you requested, here is the full, and somewhat long-winded, story about the theft I just reported. 

On Friday, June 11^th, I attended the Tom Petty concert at the Gorge Amphitheater. I returned to my tent in the Gorge campground around 11:30pm Friday night to find the following items missing and presumed stolen: 

• One black and white striped large bag full of very cute summer clothes.
• One green and pink brocade makeup and toiletries bag, the cheap stuff, it wasn’t even Mac!
• One Verizon cell phone, piece of crap anyway. Keep it.
• One T-Mobile cell phone- can provide serial number.
• One black iPod 4GB- can provide serial number.
• $150 cash- tucked inside the makeup case, should have been locked up in my purse in the truck, I know.
• One pair of black and white men’s Nike tennis shoes, size 11.
• One fancy Coleman lantern.

We obviously should not have had the electronics or cash in the tent and anyone that stupid deserves to get robbed. You may be surprised to hear that the thing I want back the most is my bag full of clothes. Seriously, what is this thief going to do with a bunch of girls clothing? Sell it? And who would even buy used underwear?

And could there be anything worse than having to wear the same underwear and clothing for three days of camping and concerts because some jerk stole your suitcase? The humanity!

Both my tent and my friend’s tent had been rifled through. In my tent, one bag had been dumped out and only the good stuff stolen, phones & iPod, but my entire bag and makeup case were gone. In the other tent, one backpack had been dumped out but nothing was missing, the other bag remained completely untouched, wallet, keys, phone, cash, ipod, etc, undisturbed.

The following morning, we reported the theft to campground security, who instructed us to check back throughout the weekend to see if anything had been turned in. Nothing was ever turned in and we never heard another word from campground personnel. Jerks. We also found a pile of clothes and other such items dumped right outside our tent, presumably someone else’s stolen items, which we turned in to security. We were also informed that numerous other people had also been robbed that night. Awesome.

On July 15th, after hearing on the local news about two different men who had just been arrested for theft,  I called the Portland Police. I admit I was rather excited at the idea I might get to see my stuff again! The PPD told me to file a police report in the county where the theft had occurred. With a case number, I can now hopefully view the recovered items and see if I can locate my beloved, adorable summer clothing. And maybe my super-expensive Oil of Olay face cream, because no self-respecting woman wants wrinkles.

Alas, as I work for a radio station (I’m totally bragging), I can’t avoid the venue any longer and must return to the area on Sunday, August 8^th for the Van Morrison concert (I’m bragging again). I certainly won’t be camping overnight as the area is obviously rife with hooligans and not safe for females.

Please feel free to contact me at either of the numbers below should you have any questions. Email is fine as well; it comes directly to my Blackberry. Seeing as I suffer from severe insomnia, you can reach me 24 hours a day. I’m not kidding.

Thank you so much for your time.

PS- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers remain my favorite band ever, although the Saturday night show wasn’t nearly as fun as I was in deep mourning, not to mention I had been wearing the same underwear for two full days at that point. Did I mention that it was 90 degrees that weekend?

Best,
Amy

It’s not that I don’t admire body ink on others.  I do.  If it’s something really wonderful and beautiful and you feel compelled to have that art permanently added to your skin, then by all means, have at it.  I know people who are tattoo artists, and others who have designed their own tattoos…using their own art pieces.  Now that’s a cool statement.  Of course there’s the practice of adding names of loved ones you want to honor permanently written on your heart, or whatever body part serves you best. 

I love art, and artists of all kinds, but I’ve never been tattooed because of several reasons.  First, I avoid pain.  I’ve had enough dances with the doctors and such in my life, that I just don’t have any reason to look for pain with adding colors to my skin.  That leads to my second reason…I bruise like a banana, thus adding colors to my skin all the time without wanting to.  The third reason is that I can’t think of ONE THING that would be a statement that I would want to have indelibly stamped on my body for the rest of my life.  I’m sort of a chameleon in that respect (and a chameleon tattoo that would actually change colors would be cool as it gets…but I don’t think that exists…yet).  Change is part of growth, and what serves me now may not in the future.  I realize that you can have body art re-worked, but go back to my number one reason, and I stop right there.   

There was one time when I was way over my alcohol limit and an illustrated friend of mine almost talked me into getting an iris flower tattoo on my arm.  I asked if it would hurt as much as it did when I got my ears pierced and she said “more, and longer” like it was a good thing.  That stopped every possible reason for me to want a tattoo. 

I guess this makes me completely uncool and nerdy as all get out, but I do have some pretty gnarly scars.  That’s all I need really, and if I hadn’t had to get them for medical reasons, I wouldn’t have them either. 

So, I invite you to send me any and all pictures of your ultra cool tattoos that I will enjoy looking at, but will never have applied to my person. 

I also found this website of tattoos that should have never happened.  Be warned, it shows body parts and art that are offensive to those who are of a more delicate nature.  To the rest of you, enjoy!

I also had to include this picture of Jack Nicholson from The Shining that someone had tattooed on themselves.  It’s just so…..scary!  In so many ways.

Oh, and let me know when that chameleon tattoo that actually changes colors is available.

My review went just super last Friday, thank you for asking. I even got a lesson from Mr. Burns on how to answer every future review question using five words or less. I’m going to need to work on that one, but luckily every email communication I have with Mr. Burns is a lesson in itself. He is easily the most monosyllabic person I have ever met. His answers or comments to my email questions are often “yes” or “fine” or “ha” on the rare occasion he actually finds something I’ve said amusing. Emphasis on rare. I do love me some Mr. Burns!

Lastly, some winner just came in to pick up tickets and he was totally hot! No mullet, full sleeves on his shirt and everything! So I totally go out of my way to say hi and congrats on winning, to which he replied, “Thanks. My wife and I are really looking forward to the show.” Figures he’s married. DAMMIT!

According to AOL.com, Reports Suggest the Rolling Stones Will Retire After World Tour in 2012

Reports circulating in the UK press suggest the inevitable might actually finally become reality — the Rolling Stones may be about to retire.

UK newspaper the Sun reports that the band — who were formed in 1962 and are soon to celebrate their 50th anniversary — are set to hang up their weather-worn boots after a world tour, which is set to kick off in 2011.

That sound you hear is me quietly weeping in my office.

Mine is today with my two managers, Mr. Burns and Jeff Sacramento, the PD of my sports station. So who knows, this could be my last blog ever!

Here’s a quick email exchange from earlier this week:
Me: Attached is my self review. See you Friday!
Mr. Burns: Thanks Amy. You just won the award for “most words and pages in a self-evaluation”. There will be a trophy presentation to come…
Me: OMG I knew you would call me out!!!! I even edited it and made it shorter! I wish I could have seen your face when you opened it!!!!! I actually highlighted which passages I knew you would skim over, which was all of them!!!! Classic me. Sorry- I’m wordy. I will try to be more Hemingway and less King.
Mr. Burns: No worries, it will make a great 4 hours of reading before bed tonight.

Not kidding. That’s verbatim.

And just in case you were curious, I did flavor my eval with a little Amy humor so that Mr. Burns wasn’t bored during his bedtime reading.

Excerpt from the “name your three biggest fumbles or setbacks in the last 12 months” question:
“…This is the worst professional mistake I have made since I accidently shipped 50 C-130P fuel cells to Indiana instead of to forward operating station, Aviano Air Base in Italy during the American Forces bombing campaign of Bosnia in 1999 (I was stationed at Mildenhall RAF). True story.”

I hope I’m still employed at 4pm! Wish me luck….

Well, as we know, they mended fences, got back to what they do best, and started out on another tour.  The second swing of the U.S. is going on now, and right before the kick off, Joe Perry was involved in a motorcycle accident.  He was rear-ended by a car.  In Joe’s words after the accident and before the kick off in Oakland today, he Twittered: “Finding all kinds of new places to be sore after Ducati flight time.  I play better when I’m pissed off.  One look at my bike and you’d be pissed too.”  He and Steven both ride.  Okay, that’s cool…but not while you’re on tour.  Please.

The closest date I see so far for the tour is Thursday, September 19th at Rogers Arena in Vancouver, BC.  I hope they add some dates.  Like one in Portland at the Rose Garden.   Or even better, Sleep Country Amphitheater.  Just wishing.  Really hard.

So, in the meantime let’s hope they all stay healthy and don’t fall off of anything.  Any more injuries and Tyler and Perry won’t be known as the Toxic Twins…they’ll be the Torn up Twins…Good Lord.

*WARNING- Full of Amy’s favorite cuss words, A LOT of them-Viewer Discretion Advised!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q57aNsKQNaE

I want to design my own shirts for women going to concerts.  ”The show was so good, there wasn’t a dry seat in the house”  is what it would say.  I think I said that after seeing Led Zeppelin, or Sting, or Springsteen.  Not sure when it started.  It’s my retirement plan.  That and the lottery.

Speaking of the lottery…there’s an HBO documentary titled “Lucky” that is the best I’ve ever seen about people who win the lottery.  I think I’ve watched them all because I find it riveting to see what happens when people get boatloads of money.  There’s comedy and tragedy.  Hey, that’s life!  This documentary was different because it not only followed the ones who did great, or the ones who became paranoid miserable and penniless in a short amount of time, but also a group of guys who played perhaps the worst practical joke on a friend EVER!  Also a group of teachers who won, not the big pot of gold, but a considerable amount and after splitting the winnings, it didn’t change their life.  So it was a varied thing.

I’m also fascinated by the lottery because I actually know 3 people who won.  Yeah, millions.  Seriously.  This means that I probably never will have a hope in hell of winning, but that doesn’t stop me from buying a dollar’s worth of dreams, and it’s kind of cool to actually know someone who won. Oh, and the people I know who won did good things, and didn’t get paranoid and weird.  No, I didn’t get any money from them, but they did give to causes that are near and dear to my heart like CCA, Marjie’s Fund, and other great organizations that are doing great work. Excellent Karma.  Kind of like “My Name is Earl” only they were smart and enlightened to begin with.

So, to sum up the point of all this blathering….oh, there isn’t one really.  Have a good night and good luck with that lottery ticket.

*WARNING- This site contains an active volcano of spewing swear words- we’re talkin swearing of  Amy proportion. Read at your own risk.

This 29 year-old kid lives with his old-ass old man and puts all the funny things he says on the internet via twitter for everyone to enjoy, stuff like, “Engagement rings are pointless. Indians gave cows…Oh sorry, congrats on proposing. We good now? Can I finish my indian story?” and my personal favorite, “You seen my cell phone?…What’s it look like? Like two horses f*%king. It’s a phone, son. It looks like a phone.” I’m still laughing. Thank you, Iris.

But my all-time tweeting favorite is, and I’ve said this before, many a time, Notkennyrogers. I check it weekly. It’s so funny, it made me crack a smile at 10:30pm last Wednesday night as I was standing in the lobby of the Rose Garden Arena waiting for my daughter and her three screaming friends to emerge from their seats at the Justin Bieber concert. Making me smile at that point, after that particular day, and that particular show, with NO ALCOHOL in my system, was a feat of EPIC proportion. Who’s Justin Bieber you ask? You don’t want to know. Please trust me….you don’t want to know.

You do want to know Notkennyrogers. Same warning applies. These two tweeters…twitter-ers…twats? (Sorry- too easy.) prove that there’s more on twitter than people hocking cheap jewelry and pontificating about what’s wrong in the world. And obviously KGON tweets some good stuff so you certainly ought to sign up and see what it’s all about.